Tourniquet
by Hart's Justice
Summary: Rocky realizes her crush on her BFF, CeCe, and understands that it's wrong. With that said, Rocky tries to change the way she feels about the fiery redhead, but realizes that her crush is actually something more than that. What does Rocky plan on doing about it? RECE *Warning: involves slight cutting*


**Hey, hey, hey! Justice here! So, this is a ReCe challenge I accepted a while ago for sunshannieshipperheart. Sorry if it's messy and a little confusing, but I hope y'all like it!**

(Rocky's POV)

_'I tried to kill the pain  
But only brought more  
(So much more)  
I lay dying and I'm pouring  
Crimson regret and betrayal'_

"It's not fair. It really isn't. It's not fair and it's wrong. Way too wrong..." I said out loud. It didn't matter; no one was home anyway.

Perfect.

"Why? Why all of a sudden does _this_ happen? That someone who has been straight all her life, and has never supported homosexuals might I add, develop a crush on, no, _fall in** love**_ with her best friend...Her **_straight_** best friend!" I growled to myself as I walked to the bathroom, closed the door and locked it, looking into the mirror.

"What does it matter anyway? It's not like she loves me back. I'm nothing more than a **_BIG SISTER_**!" I yelled, slamming the side of my fist into the mirror. I gasped in pain as the mirror shattered and bit at my hand, tearing my skin open. I recoiled and leaned against the wall, sliding down to sit on the floor. Tears flowed freely down my face as I faced my self-destruction, felt my breaking point. I looked at the glass on the floor, unconsciously picking a piece up and looking at my reflection as the flashbacks raced through my mind.

_'I'm dying (dying), praying (praying),  
Bleeding (bleeding), and screaming.  
Am I too lost to be saved?  
Am I too lost?'_

* * *

**FLASHBACK - A Week Earlier**

_"C'mon, Rocky!" CeCe giggled as we raced down the street to the park. I laughed as I chased after her. When we got there, we sat down on a bench so we could catch our breath. CeCe smiled as she laid her head on my shoulder. Nothing unusual about that. We always did that, but something was different this time. My heart was racing...and not because I just ran almost two blocks. I smiled at my fiery red-haired BFF. CeCe snuggled into me, her red hair falling gracefully in her face. She looked so cute..._

_'Wait, what am I thinking?!' I thought. I shoved the thoughts away. 'I'm tired. Yeah, that's it. I was up too late studying...' CeCe looked up at me with a curious expression._

_"Hey, Rocks. Can I ask you something?" She asked lightly. I looked at her._

_"Of course you can. What's up?" I asked. CeCe bit her lip softly, shaking her head._

_"Nevermind, it's not important..." She said. I shifted so I was facing her._

_"It's important to me, Ce. You can tell or ask me anything." I said. She smiled softly at me. I smiled back at her, holding her hands in mine. Again, nothing unusual about that, but I swear my heart was going to beat out of my chest. CeCe smiled a little more._

_"Ok...Is it...umm...a...ya know...a sin to like other girls?" She asked softly, blushing as dark as her fire red hair. I could tell she was beyond embarrassed, but I smiled lightly, knowing it was an honest question._

_"Well, I guess it is. I mean, the Bible says God's against it. I was raised not believe in that kinda stuff..." I said. CeCe just looked at me._

_"But, it's not really a** bad** thing...I think that love is love, no matter who you're with. Just look at Annalise and Krista. They really love each other..." She said, referring to two girls in our class. I sighed, before raising an eyebrow slightly._

_"Wait, what brought this up?" I asked curiously. CeCe bit her lip, shrugging. I sighed, knowing that she wasn't going to tell me. "Let's just relax. We'll talk later, ok?" CeCe smiled, nodding as she snuggled into me. I wrapped my arms around her protectively, hoping she didn't hear how loud and fast my heart was beating._

* * *

**PRESENT TIME**

_'My God! My tourniquet!_  
_Return to me salvation_  
_My God! My tourniquet!_  
_Return to me salvation'_

I snapped back to reality, more tears pouring down my face, gripping the piece of reflective glass harder and harder until it pierced my skin, cutting into my already blood-covered hand. That was the day I realized I started to like CeCe more than BFF's should. I knew it was wrong, so I decided to try to find a boyfriend to try to get over my feelings for CeCe.

* * *

**FLASHBACK - 2 Days Later**

'Do you remember me?  
Lost for so long  
Will you be on the other side  
Or will you forget me?'

_"Hey, hey, hey!" I smiled as I came through the window of CeCe's apartment, though I was exhausted and wanted to sleep. CeCe was sitting on the couch, turning around to smile at me._

_"Hey, Rockstar!" CeCe grinned. I smiled, feeling my cheeks heat up at the nickname CeCe gave me. CeCe must've saw me blush because she stood and walked over to me. "Rocks, you feeling ok?" I waved it off._

_"Oh, yeah. I'm fine." I said. CeCe didn't seem convinced._

_"Rocky, are you sure? Your face is really red." She said, gently putting the back of her hand on my cheek. "You're really warm, too." CeCe had this soft, innocent tone. I looked at her. She was ether giving me a soft smile or trying not to smirk._

_I'm gonna guess Choice B. She must know that I'm blushing. CeCe couldn't hold back her smirk any longer._

_"You have a crush!" CeCe giggled. I blushed darker._

_"N-No I don't..." I said softly._

_Yes, you do._

_"C'mon. Tell me who it is." I was about to say no, but CeCe pouted, giving me her cute, adorable puppy eyes. I sighed, giving in._

_CeCe._

_"Logan." I accidentally said, paling slightly._

_Nooo...CeCe...I. LIKE. CECE!_

_I looked at my BFF and saw hurt and jealousy flash through her chocolate brown eyes, but what scared me the most was the intense anger that overpowered the other emotions._

_"L-Logan?" CeCe said lowly. I bit my lip softly, nodding. CeCe moved away from me back to the couch._

_Why does she look so hurt?..._

_"He...He umm...likes you too." CeCe said softly, looking at me and smiling softly. "You should talk to him." I gaped at her._

_"But...that's against the BFF Code. I can't date your brother." I said, trying to get out of it. CeCe chuckled._

_"Really, Rocky. It's ok. I want you to be happy." She said._

_I'm happy with you! No, I can't feel this way about you...WHY AM I ARGUING WITH MYSELF?!_

_I smiled at CeCe. "Ok. I'll talk to him."_

* * *

**PRESENT TIME**

_'I'm dying (dying), praying (praying),_  
_Bleeding (bleeding), and screaming_  
_Am I too lost to be saved?_  
_Am I too lost?'_

So I started dating Logan. He was a sweet guy, but I didn't like him the way he liked me. I tried, trust me, but I just kept thinking about CeCe. She is my everything. A few days later, CeCe and I went to Logan's Badminton game. Long story short, Logan accused CeCe of deliberately trying to make him lose. I had watched CeCe walk off and knew she was upset. I snapped, breaking up with him. It was then I knew that my crush had turned into something more...

I was completely, undeniably in love with CeCe.

* * *

**FLASHBACK: Yesterday**

'My God! My tourniquet!  
Return to me salvation  
My God! My tourniquet!  
Return to me salvation'

_I ran after CeCe after I broke up with Logan. Thank God he gave me an excuse to break it off. I got out of the school, looking around. I finally spotted my fiery BFF walking down the street and jogged after her._

_"CeCe, wait!" I exclaimed. CeCe stopped and turned around to see me. I instantly realized she was trying not to cry. I smiled lightly and walked to her, hugging her. CeCe hugged me back and I blushed, smiling a little more._

_"I'm sorry, Rocky. I didn't mean to cost him the game." CeCe said softly. "I'm really willing to try to get along with him." I chuckled, hugging her tighter._

_"Don't worry about it. I broke up with him." I replied. CeCe gasped, looking at me._

_"What? You didn't hafta do that. You—"_

_"CeCe, he wasn't going to give you a chance after you told him you were. Anyone who doesn't respect my best friend doesn't respect me." I said, smiling at her. CeCe blushed lightly, which made my smile grow. Before I realized what I was doing, I leaned down closer to her, closing the gap between us as I kissed her. When it registered that I kissed her, I jumped away, biting my lip roughly as I looked at her. CeCe was as red as her hair, but before she could say anything, I ran away._

* * *

**PRESENT TIME**

I smiled lightly at the memory before it disappeared again. CeCe hasn't talked to me since. I think I really ticked her off. Closing my eyes tightly, a new wave of tears came streaming down. I opened my eyes after a moment, slowly standing from the floor to look at the part of the mirror that wasn't broken with a blank expression.

_'I long to die!'_

"I can't do this to her. She's not in love with me and I can't be in love with her. And if I can't change the way I feel, then I don't see any reason to live on." I said out loud, snapping again as I screamed, slamming the side of my untouched fist into the unbroken part of the mirror, breaking it as the glass tore my skin open again.

_'My God! My tourniquet!_  
_Return to me salvation_  
_My God! My tourniquet!_  
_Return to me salvation'_

"C'mon!" I yelled to the ceiling, yelling at God. "I've betrayed you. Just take my life already!" I picked up a piece of mirror and roughly dragged it across both of my wrists, blood pouring down my hand and dripping off of my fingertips. Feeling lightheaded and dizzy, I collapsed to the ground, closing my eyes.

_'My wounds cry for the grave!_  
_My soul cries for deliverance!_  
_Will I be denied?'_

_'This is it.'_ I thought, opening my eyes. _'I'm going to die. I **want** to die...'_

Everything started fading to black, the dark haze setting over me. I closed my eyes, hearing a knock on the door.

"Rocky?" Oh, God...

CeCe.

"Rocky, are you ok? I heard screaming." CeCe said through the door. As much as I wanted to reply, I couldn't. "Rocky, answer me!" CeCe exclaimed. I could hear the shakiness in her tone. Biting my lip, I realized why I woke up every day.

CeCe is what keeps me alive. Even if she doesn't love me the way I love her, I still have her friendship.

_'Christ! (Christ!)_  
_Tourniquet!_  
_My suicide...'_

Unconsciously, I shakily reached up and unlocked the door, my arm then falling to the ground. The door quickly opened and CeCe gasped, rushing to my side while being careful of the glass around me.

"R-Rocky?..." CeCe said shakily, tears falling as she held me close to her. I didn't reply. Instead, I fell victim to the Darkness...

* * *

_**REALITY...**_

"Rocky...ROCKY!"

I screamed as I bolted straight up in my bed, sweat pouring down my face. I saw CeCe sit on my bed, holding me close.

"Wh-...Where..." I stuttered, looking around. CeCe looked concerned.

"Baby, are you ok? You were screaming in your sleep." She said. I raised an eyebrow.

"Screaming in my..." I paused, looking at my hands and wrists. Nothing. No scars. No stitches. Nothing. I looked at my girlfriend and smiled lightly. "Yeah. Just a bad dream. That's all." CeCe smiled lightly as well.

"Ok. You just had me worried." She said, kissing me softly. I smiled brightly and kissed her back, holding my fiery redhead close to me.

I was dreaming. CeCe was already my girlfriend. CeCe was already mine.

**Heh-heh. Surprise ending. Again, I hope y'all liked it. The song I used was "Tourniquet" by Evanescence. Please review!**


End file.
